The Void
by Sami Lee
Summary: Ok, first warning there is Harry/Draco slash. Secondly, this is really stupid and mostly borrowed and I'm on a high so don't blame me. Just tell me if it's stupid.
1. Crying, skipping and white rabbits

Ok.. PLEASE don't expect any sanity in any of this; I'm in such a weirdly demented mood that I can barely think straight enough to type. So I'm going to skip an introduction, as the summary should have said enough. BTW, I own nothing - but there are too many rightful owners to name. Sorry to all.  
  
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The camera sweeps over a beautiful scene of the English countryside and the pans in as we get closer to London, finally stopping as it reaches a film- recording studio (namely run by Warner Brothers.) Two boys are walking slowly through the almost deserted studios, every now and then glancing into randomly open doors. The scene magically skips ahead because the author has no idea what she's doing and all of a sudden we see that the two boys are in fact Daniel Radcliff and Tomas Felton. But for the purpose of this fic, they shall be known now only as Harry and Draco.  
  
Draco: Hurry up, Harry! We're going to be late for the goddamn Quidditch scene. Not that I'm really in the mood to pretend to fly around a non- existent Quidditch stand while being chased by a non-existent rogue bludger.  
  
We notice that tom sounds very much like Malfoy anyways and that maybe they both aren't so different from their characters after all.  
  
Harry: Do you even know where we are?  
  
Draco: Of course I do. Look, it's in here.  
  
Tom pushes open a large door, distinctly ignoring the large notice reading:  
  
"Do NOT enter. Vivid movie experience inside."  
  
At this point the author is lost so she simply makes up some crap so that the boys get blasted into some universe were they will now get sucked in various roles of various movies with singing, snogging and white rabbits..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~  
  
There is a loud whooshing sound and the two boys land with a thud in a muddled pile on the grass. Where are we? Harry bursts out laughing as he sees Draco dressed as a gray kitten. Draco laughs even harder when he sees Harry dressed in a blue dress with a white apron. Harry looks up to see Hermione reading to him from a very large book - with NO pictures.  
  
* * * Hermione: ...leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria declared for him, and even Stigand... Harry!  
  
Harry: Hmm...? Oh, I'm listening.  
  
Hermione: And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown.  
  
Harry: He he he!  
  
Hermione: William's conduct at first was mo....  
  
Harry: He he he!  
  
Hermione: Harry...! Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson?  
  
Harry: I'm sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it?  
  
Hermione: My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures.  
  
Harry: In this world perhaps. But in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures.  
  
Hermione: Your world? Huh, what nonsense. Now...  
  
Harry: Nonsense?  
  
Hermione: Once more. From the beginning.  
  
Harry: That's it, Draco! If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?  
  
Draco: Meow!  
  
Harry: In my world, you wouldn't say 'meow'. You'd say 'Yes, Mr. Harry.  
  
Draco: Meow!  
  
Harry: Oh, but you would! You'd be just like people, Draco, and all the other animals too. Why, in my world...  
  
Draco looks as horrified as he can with whiskers and a cute little pink nose as Harry bursts into song.  
  
Harry: Cats and rabbits, would reside in fancy little houses, and be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers. In a world of my own. All the flowers would have very extra special powers, they would sit and talk to me for hours, when I'm lonely in a world of my own. There'd be new birds, lots of nice and friendly how-de-do birds, everyone would have a dozen bluebirds, within that world of my own. I could listen to a babbling brook and here a song, that I could understand. I keep wishing it could be that way, because my world would be a wonderland.  
  
Draco: Meow! Meow! Meow!  
  
Harry: Oh Draco! It's just a rabbit with a waistcoat... and a watch!  
  
Ron the white Rabbit: Oh my fur and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late I'm late!  
  
Harry: Now this is curious! What could a rabbit possibly be late for? Please, sir!  
  
Ron: I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!  
  
Harry: It must be awfully important, like a party or something! Mister Rabbit! Wait!  
  
Ron: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm overdue. I'm really in a stew. No time to say goodbye, hello! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!  
  
Harry: My, what a peculiar place to have a party.  
  
Draco: Meow!  
  
Harry: You know, Draco, we really shouldn't...uhh...uhh...be doing this... After all, we haven't been invited! And curiosity often leads to troubl - l - l - e - e - e!  
  
At this, Harry promptly starts falling down a very long shaft with no idea where he is heading, he waves up at the little cat as he falls.  
  
Harry: Goodbye, Draco! Goodbye! ... Oh! Well, after this I shall think nothing of fa-... of falling downstairs! ... Oh! Ahhh... Oh, Goodness! What if I should fall right through the center of the earth... oh, and come out the other side, where people walk upside down. Oh, but that's silly. Nobody... oh! Oh, ha ha. Oh, mister Rabbit! Wait! Please! ... Curiouser and curiouser!  
  
Harry's skirt puffs up serving as a parachute and he lands on the ground upside down I believe. Next to a little door with a doorknob that has very large ears and eyes.  
  
Dobby the doorknob: Ohhhhh!!  
  
Harry: OH! Oh, I beg your pardon.  
  
Dobby: Oh, oh, it's quite all right. But you did give me quite a turn!  
  
Harry: You see, I was following...  
  
Dobby: Rather good, what? Doorknob, turn?  
  
Harry: Please, sir.  
  
Dobby: Well, one good turn deserves another! What can I do for you?  
  
Harry: Well, I'm looking for a white rabbit. So, um, if you don't mind...  
  
Dobby: Uh? Oh!  
  
Harry looks through the keyhole serving as Dobby's mouth.  
  
Harry: There he is! I simply must get through!  
  
Dobby: Sorry, you're much too big. Simply impassible.  
  
Harry: You mean impossible?  
  
Dobby: No, impassible. Nothing's impossible! Why don't you try the bottle on the table?  
  
Harry: Table? Oh!  
  
Harry turns to see a table appear out of nowhere, followed promptly by a small bottle with a large label.  
  
Dobby: Read the directions, and directly you'll be directed in the right direction. He he he!  
  
Harry: 'Drink me'. Hmmm, better look first. For if one drinks much from a bottle marked 'poison', it's almost certain to disagree with one, sooner or later.  
  
Dobby: Beg your pardon!  
  
Harry: I was just giving myself some good advice. But... hmm, tastes like oh... cherry tart... custard... pineapple... roast turkey... goodness! What did I do?  
  
Dobby: Ho ho ho ho! You almost went out like a candle!  
  
Harry: But look! I'm just the right size!  
  
Dobby: Oh, no use! Ha ha ha ha. I forgot to tell you, ho ho ho ho! I'm locked!  
  
Harry: Oh no!  
  
Dobby: Ha ha ha, but of course, uh, you've got the key, so...  
  
Harry: What key?  
  
Dobby: Now, don't tell me you've left it up there!  
  
Dobby indicates to the now huge table, a key abbrubptly appears on it.  
  
Harry: Oh, dear! What ever will I do?  
  
Dobby: Try the box, naturally.  
  
A small box appears before Harry. He takes the label and reads it.  
  
Harry: Oh! 'Eat me'. All right. But goodness knows what this will do... wow, wow, wow, wow, wow!  
  
Harry grows back to some huge giant and his foot c\slams into Dobby's face.  
  
Dobby: whtwhsthswwdthdwd!  
  
Harry: What did you say?  
  
Dobby: I said: 'a little of that went a long way'! Ha ha ha ha!  
  
Harry: Well, I don't think it's so funny! Now- now I do never get ou-out!  
  
Harry starts bawling his eyes out.  
  
Dobby: Oh, come on now. Crying won't help.  
  
Harry: I know, but I- I- I just can't stop!  
  
Dobby: Hey, hey you! Bwbwlwbbwlwbl! Say, this won't do at all! You, you up there, stop!  
  
Stop, I say! Oh look! The bottle, the bottle...  
  
Harry has indeed cried an ocean and the bottle floats past.  
  
Harry: Oh dear, I do wish I hadn't cried so much.  
  
Dobby: glpglpglp...  
  
Professor Lockhart the dodo: Oh, the sailor's life is the life for me, how I love to sail on the bounding sea, and I never never ever do a thing about the weather for the weather never ever does a thing for me. Oh, a sailor's life is a life for me, tiddle um dum pom pom dum de dee! And I never ne... ahoy! And other nautical expressions! Land ho, by Jove!  
  
Snape the parrot: Where away, Dodo?  
  
Harry: Dodo?  
  
Lockhart: Three points to starboard. Follow me, me hearties! Have you at port no time at all now, haha! Oh...  
  
Harry: Mister Dodo!  
  
Lockhart: Johoho, and a bottle of sea, we love each time...  
  
Harry: Please! Please help me! ... Um, pardon me, but uh, would you mind helping me? Please? Yoo Ho! Yoo Ho! Help me! Please! Help me!  
  
Lockhart: Forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus-race. Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top, never a beginning there can never be a stop to skipping, hopping, tripping, fancy free and gay, I started it tomorrow and will finish yesterday. Round and round and round we go, and dance for evermore, once we were behind but now we find we are be-forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus-race. For backward... I say! You'll never get dry that way!  
  
Harry: Get dry?  
  
Lockhart grabs Harrys arm and pulls him into the circle of completely bizarre creature running in a dizzily stupid circle to get dry.  
  
Lockhart: Have to run with the others! First rule of a caucus-race, you know!  
  
Harry: But how can I...  
  
Lockhart: That's better! Have you dry in no time now!  
  
Harry: No-one can ever get dry this way!  
  
Lockhart: Nonsense! I am as dry as a bone already.  
  
Harry: Yes, but...  
  
Lockhart: All right, chaps! Let's head now! Look lively!  
  
Harry: The white rabbit! Mister Rabbit! Mi- mister Rabbit!  
  
Ron: Oh, my goodness! I'm late! I'm late!  
  
Harry: Oh, don't go away! I'll be right back!  
  
Ron: I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!  
  
Lockhart: Don't step on the fish! Eric, there, won't you there stop kicking that mackerel! William...  
  
Harry: Mister Rabbit! Oh, mister Rabbit! Oh dear, I'm sure he came this way. Do you suppose he could be hiding? Hmmm... not here. I wonder... No, I suppose he must have... Oh! Why, what peculiar little figures!  
  
Harry bends down reads the labels on the figures allowed to himself.  
  
Harry: Tweedle Dee... and Tweedle Dum!  
  
Fred Dee: If you think we're wax-works, you ought to pay, you know!  
  
George Dum: Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us!  
  
Fred & George: That's logic!  
  
Harry: Well, it's been nice meeting you. Goodbye!  
  
Fred: You're beginning backwards!  
  
George: Aye, the first thing in a visit is to say: How do you do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How do you do and shake hands and state your name and business.  
  
Fred & George: That's manners!  
  
Harry: Really? Well, my name is Harry and I'm following a white rabbit. So...  
  
Fred: You can't go yet!  
  
George: No, the visit has just started!  
  
Harry: I'm very sorry...  
  
George: Do you like to play hide-and-seek?  
  
Fred: Or button-button, who's got the button?  
  
Harry: No, thank you.  
  
Fred: If you stay long enough we might have a battle!  
  
Harry: That's very kind of you, but I must be going.  
  
Fred & George: Why?  
  
Harry: Because I am following a white rabbit!  
  
Fred & George: Why?  
  
Harry: Well, I- I'm curious to know where he is going!  
  
George: Ohhhh, she's curious! Tsk! tsk! tsk! ts!...  
  
Fred: The oysters were curious too, weren't they?  
  
Geroge: Aye, and you remember what happened to them...  
  
Fred & George: Poor things!  
  
Harry: Why? What did happen to the oysters?  
  
Fred: Oh, you wouldn't be interested.  
  
Harry: But I am!  
  
George: Oh, no. You're in much too much of a hurry!  
  
Harry: Well, perhaps I could spare a little time...  
  
Fred & George: You could? Well...  
  
Fred: 'The Walrus and the Carpenter'!  
  
George: Or: 'The story of the curious Oysters'! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There is great flash of light, and before Harry can comprehend what's going on, he feels himself dragged out of the forest clearing, leaving Fred Dee and George Dum behind. After a moment he is joined by Draco the gray kitten and they are splatted down in yet another bizarre scene....  
  
To Be Continued....... 


	2. Elves, Dobby and large mines

MORIA GATE -- NIGHT  
  
The Fellowship are walking along the far shore of dark  
  
lake...directly below great looming cliffs.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Harry looks up from beneath a startled Draco at the 'great looming cliffs' and squeaks. He gets up, gawking at the weird 'creatures' surrounding him and then jumps as he notices his feet have grown a weird layer of hair. HARRY: Wh, where are we?  
  
HAGRID (as Gimli): (in awe) The walls of Moria!  
  
Footing is treacherous on the narrow strip of green and greasy  
  
stones.  
  
DUMBLEDORE (as Gandalf) touches the smooth rock wall between the trees... slowly, faint lines appear like slender veins of luminous silver running through the stone.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Itidin...it mirrors only starlight and moonlight.  
  
A large moon rises over the mountains...  
  
The lines grow Broader and Clearer, forming a glowing arch of interlacing ancient letters and symbols.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: It reads, "The door of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter.  
  
HERMIONE (as Merry): What do you suppose that means?  
  
DUMBLEDORE: (confident) It's quite simple. If you are a friend, speak the password and the doors will open. Dumbledore raises his arms...  
  
DUMBLEDORE: (incanting) Annon edhellen, edro hi ammen!  
  
The cliff towers into the night, the wind blows cold, Harry  
  
shivers... and the door stands fast! LATER: DUMBLEDORE CONTINUES...  
  
Mumbling spells in his efforts to open the door. Ron packs pots and pans at his feet...watching sadly as Sirius (as Aragorn) turns of the Ford Anglia's egnition.  
  
CLOSE ON: SIRIUS whispering to the Ford Anglia.  
  
SIRIUS: (whispering) Mines are no place for a Flying Car, even one so brave as Ford Anglia.  
  
RON: Bye, Ford.  
  
SIRIUS: Go on, Ford, go on..don't worry, Ron...he knows his way home. Aragorn slaps Ford on the Boot...Ford goes flying off.  
  
CLOSE ON: Ron watching Ford disappear into the darkness.  
  
RON: Goodbye, Ford.  
  
SPLASH! Seamus and Hermione (as Merry and Pippin) are tossing stones into the lake.  
  
Black Rippling rings slowly fan out. Hermione is about to throw another stone, but Sirius grabs her arm.  
  
SIRIUS: (ominous) Do not disturb the water.  
  
SIRIUS watches anxiously as the Ripples appear to grow....he  
  
exchanges a look with LUPIN (as Boromir.) SIRIUS' hand creeps towards his sword.  
  
DUMBLEDORE gives up in despair...he sits down beside HARRY.  
  
Close on: HARRY peers at the Elvish inscription...his face  
  
breaks into a smile of comprehension.  
  
HARRY: (quietly) It's a riddle...  
  
DUMBLEDORE raises his eyebrows...  
  
HARRY (CONT'D) (explaining) Speak, friend, and enter. What's  
  
the Elvish word for friend?  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Oh...mellon.  
  
With that, the rock face silently divides in the middle and  
  
two great Doors swing outwards... revealing a blackness deeper  
  
than the night.  
  
As the Fellowship enter the Blackness, something in the water moves  
  
...  
  
INT. MORIA GATE - NIGHT  
  
The Fellowship step warily into the darkness of Moria...a Dank cavern, with winding steps leading deeper into the mountain.  
  
HAGRID: So, master elf, you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the dwarves;  
  
roaring fires, malt beer, red meat off the bone. This, my friend, is  
  
the home of my cousin, Balin...and they call this a Mine... (snorting)  
  
A mine! A Glow from DUMBLEDORE's Staff suddenly lights the chamber...  
  
The Fellowship recoil in Horror!  
  
Many dwarf Skeletons are strewn about, clearly the dead of  
  
some old battle...the rusting armor and shields are peppered  
  
with arrows and axes.  
  
LUPIN: (grimly) This is no mine...it's a tomb HAGRID: (in horror) Oh...no...no..no... !  
  
DRACO (As Legolas) pulls a crude arrow out of a skeleton.  
DRACO: Goblins!  
The Fellowship draw swords and back away, towards the  
  
Entrance.  
LUPIN: We make for the Gap of Rohan. We should never have come here.  
EXT. MORIA GATE - NIGHT  
HARRY is suddenly PULLED TO THE GROUND. A long sinuous  
  
Tentacle is wrapped around HARRY's ankle and is dragging him  
  
towards the lake.  
HARRY CRIES OUT as SIRIUS and LUPIN rush forward!  
SIRIUS severs the Tentacle holding HARRY, and pulls him to  
  
safety...LUPIN hacks at the other Writhing Limbs.  
20 more tentacles ripple out of the Lake! The dark water  
  
Boils as the hideous beast lashes out at the FELLOWSHIP!  
Again the creature grabs HARRY and pulls him to the lake,  
  
HARRY is flung in the air as the Fellowship battle the  
  
creature. SIRIUS hacks at a tentacle...HARRY is released,  
  
falling into LUPIN's arms  
DUMBLEDORE: Into the mines!  
BOROMIR: Draco!  
Draco shoots an Arrow into the creature's head, gaining a few vital seconds for Sirius and Lupin as they race out of the water with Harry.  
The FELLOWSHIP hurriedly back away from the Creature... retreating into the Moria Chamber as many Coiling arms seize the large doors.  
  
INT. MORIA GATE - NIGHT  
With a shattering echo, the creature rips the doors away,  
  
creating a rock slide that crashes down the Cliff Face.  
Within seconds, tons of rock seal the doorway... throwing the  
  
Fellowship into Pitch Blackness.  
A faint light rises from Dumbledore's staff, throwing a Creepy  
  
Glow across the old wizards face  
DUMBLEDORE: (ominous) We now have but one choice...we must face the long dark of Moria. Be on your guard...there are older and fouler things than the Orcs in the deep places of the world. CUT TO:  
  
INT. NEW CHAMBER, MORIA -- NIGHT  
  
WIDE ON: the Fellowship crossing a precarious bridge above  
  
deep mine workings.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Quietly, now. It's a four day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence will go unnoticed.  
  
INT. MORIA CEMETERY CAVERN -- NIGHT  
  
They continue up a steep stair, passing through a dwarf  
  
cemetery. The graves are despoiled...dwarf skeletons are  
  
strewn about and Goblin Graffiti is scrawled on monuments in  
  
dried Dwarf blood. The Atmosphere is very sinister. CUT TO:  
  
INT. MORIA TUNNEL FORK -- NIGHT  
  
The path splits into three passages...each disappearing into  
  
dark tunnels.  
  
DUMBLEDORE pauses, frowning.  
  
DUMBLDORE: I have no memory of this place.  
  
LATER...  
  
The Fellowship are nervously waiting...while DUMBLDORE sits,  
  
staring intently at the 3 tunnel mouths in front of him. He  
  
appears to be in some kind of trance.  
  
CLOSE ON: HARRY  
  
He turns at the sound of a faint noise down the tunnel behind  
  
them.  
  
HERMIONE: Are we lost?  
  
SEAMUS: No. I don't think we are. Shhhh, Dumbldore's thinking.  
  
HERMIONE: Merry!  
  
SEAMUS: What?  
  
HERMIONE: I'm hungry.  
  
Harry's POV: a sudden glimpse of a creature darting in the darkness. Harry is nervous...he approaches Dumbledore.  
  
HARRY (whispers) There's something down there.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: (quietly) It's Dobby.  
  
HARRY: Dobby!  
  
DUMBLEDORE: He's been following us for three  
  
days.  
  
TEASING SHOT: and emaciated, leering creature.  
  
HARRY: (disbelieving) He escaped the dungeons of Baraddur?  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Escaped...or was set loose. And now the Ring has drawn him ere...he will never be rid of his need for it. He hates and loves the ring, as he hates and loves himself. Smeagol's life is a sad story.  
  
DUMBLEDORE catches HARRY's look of surprise.  
  
DUMBLEDORE (CONT'D) Yes...Smeagol he was once called...Before the ring came to him, before it drove him mad.  
  
Dobby's withered fingers are gripping the cave wall...he is  
  
large, Luminous eyes blinking with malice.  
  
HARRY: (grim) It's a pity Lucius didn't kill him when he had the chance.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Pity? It was pity that stayed Lucius' hand. Many that live deserve death, and some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Harry?  
  
Harry frowns.  
  
DUMBLEDORE (CONT'D) Do not be too eager to deal out death in Judgment...even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum as some part to play yet, for good or ill, before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.  
  
HARRY: I wish the ring had never come to me...I wish none of this had happened.  
  
HARRY: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.  
  
There is a note of finality in Dumbledore's voice.  
  
HARRY (CONT'D) There are other forces at work in this world, Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the ring. In which case, you also were meant to have it...and that is an encouraging thought, (sudden brightness) Ah! That it's that way!  
  
Dumbledore points at the right hand tunnel...the Fellowship scramble to their feet.  
  
SEAMUS: (relieved) He's remembered!  
  
DUMBLEDORE: No, but the air doesn't smell so foul down there. If in doubt, Mr Finnigan, always follow your nose! (laughs).  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Harry looks at Draco and the tall blonde elf and the small hobbit are flung once again into the chaos of the movie vortex.  
  
Where shall they end up??  
TBC............ 


	3. A T Rex, some Cruisers and a Tree

Harry and Draco are sitting in a car, it seems to be some kind of tour ride thing as they can see a cold metal cable on the ground before and behind them, but the cars are currently not in motion. Harry finds a pair of goggles next to him, he puts them on.  
  
Harry: Cool, night vision.  
  
There is a thud, and then a THUD, and then a THUD. Harry and Draco share a frightened look. Now the thud grows LOUDER. There is a CRASHING SOUND, the whole cruiser SHAKES. Then silence. Then another SHAKE.  
  
Harry stares out with his night goggles.  
  
T-Rex paws rest on the electric fence.  
  
Harry takes off his goggles, stares, transfixed. Snape, who's in the front of the car picks them up.  
  
Muscular forepaws with pebbled, grainy skin and thick, curved nails are comfortably gripping a thick wire strand.  
  
The T-Rex moves his body forward of the brush, pushes against the fence.  
  
IN THE SECOND CRUISER -  
  
Ron and Seamus stare out, unseeing in the rain and darkness.  
  
CLOSE ON DRACO -  
  
Tears roll down his cheek. He cries silently with an unknown fear. Snape pulls the goggles from his eyes, starts to gag.  
  
Snape: Jesus Christ.  
  
Draco: Bad language.  
  
Snape: Jesus Christ. The fence isn't electrified.  
  
Draco: Is that bad?  
  
Snape turns, looks out the side window, away from the T-Rex.  
  
Snape is shaking uncontrollably. Suddenly he throws open his door and bolts off into the rain, leaving the door open. No move from the Rex.  
  
Snape races by the second cruiser. Ron stares out at him. Harry: Professor Snape! Professor Snape, where are you going?  
  
Draco: He just left us. He just left us all alone. Harry, Harry how could he do that? We're all alone! We're all alone!  
  
FLASH OF LIGHTNING. FLASH. The Rex butts his head.  
  
The fence bangs down on top of their cruiser.  
  
Harry and Draco recoil from the scrape of the wire mesh against the car.  
  
IN THE SECOND CRUISER -  
  
Through the almost obscuring rain they see the fallen fence. An unseen weight pulls on it further, causing its electric wire to pop like over- tuned guitar strings.  
  
HARRY REACHES -  
  
out into the rain for the open door handle.  
  
Another LIGHTNING FLASH and the creature is revealed standing between the two cruisers, atop the crushed fence. His head turns back and forth, he's deciding on his prey. Ron and Seamus or Harry and Draco?  
  
Harry slams the door shut. He looks directly at the Rex, just a few feet away. The Rex turns to him, stares back.  
  
Draco SCREAMS and Harry claps a hand over his mouth.  
  
There is a whisper over Harry's walkie-talkie.  
  
RON (ON WALKIE) Harry, be quiet. Don't move.  
  
Ron snaps off the walkie-talkie.  
  
The rain runs in rivulets down the pebbled skin of the muscular hind legs. The animal's head is out-of-view, above the rooftops of the cars. The Rex lifts its huge hind leg.  
  
Seamus: Holy shit! Any suggestions what we do now?  
  
Ron: Can't think of a thing.  
  
The T-Rex slowly circles Ron's cruiser.  
  
BACK ON HARRY -  
  
He watches the beast move.  
  
BACK ON RON -  
  
As they twist and turn, trying to find a circling Rex in dark and rain. The Rex pauses right next to Seamus' window. He lowers his head, looking for movement inside, the beady, expressionless reptilian eye moving in the socket.  
  
Ron whispers, hardly moving his lips.  
  
Ron: Don't move.  
  
Seamus' leg trembles uncontrollably.  
  
IN THE FIRST CRUISER -  
  
Very frightened, Draco discovers a flashlight. He flicks it on and off, distracting himself. The beam shows his eyes full of a quiet panic.  
  
Draco: It's too, too dark out there.  
  
Harry waves his hands in caution.  
  
BACK ON RON, SEAMUS, AND THE REX -  
  
The Rex bends down, bumps the windshield with his nose. Just stays there, breathing heavily. In the distance, the flashlight goes on again. The Rex raises his head suddenly. Ron grabs his walkie.  
  
RON (TO THE WALKIE) Shut off that flashlight, Harry!  
  
As the Rex heads off, a casual swipe of his tail SMASHES the side of the cruiser, throwing Ron and Seamus across the inside of the car.  
  
ON HARRY -  
  
He lunges for the flashlight. Draco dodges him, keeps it lit.  
  
Draco: No, it's mine. Please, I need it.  
  
Harry looks up through the sun roof. The massive head of the Tyrannosaurus Rex appears. Harry watches, transfixed. Draco looks up. Irrational with terror, he aims his flashlight like a gun. Blasts him. Her flashlight beam cuts through the dark and rain - he sees the beast plainly for the first time and SCREAMS!  
  
The POOL OF LIGHT bathes the Rex's face. He smashes his head down onto the Plexiglass bubble. It crunches, and falls into the car, crushing the children. Harry uses his feet to push it to the side.  
  
Above, the Rex displays is gaping maw, drooling toward the opening.  
  
RON -  
  
watches the Rex raise his mighty head again, above the kids' cruiser.  
  
HARRY -  
  
have a half-instant of relief. Then SLAM. The Rex butts his head against the cruiser. The Rex comes back down, tries to discover his prey inside the cruiser. Pushes his head close to the glass, looking.  
  
The dinosaur stands in front of the cruiser, his whole chest heaving, his forelimbs pawing the air.  
  
Harry whispers to Draco.  
  
Harry: Are you ok? Be quiet and don't move.  
  
Draco barely nods and grabs Harry's hand.  
  
The Tyrannosaur places his head next to the car. He begins to shove the cruiser with his head. The cruiser ROCKS. The back window bursts, shards go flying.  
  
Inside, the kids are THROWN back and forth, SHOVED against each other, and finally FLUNG against the top of the car as the cruiser FLIPS.  
  
The whole world TILTS CRAZILY - trunks of palm trees slide by, the ground above, the blazing eye of the rex, the tops of palm trees.  
  
The cruiser SLAMS DOWN on its side, the windows splat in the mud. Draco falls helplessly against the side window and lies motionless. Harry falls beside him, banging his head. He reaches for Draco.  
  
Harry: (softly) Draco? Draco?  
  
SILENCE. No movement from Draco.  
  
THE ANIMAL toys with the cruiser. Like a dog with its bone, the dinosaur pushes the cruiser along with his head. He pushes it past the picnic tables toward the ripped fence and the embankment. Each shove sends the children flying again.  
  
The cruiser is pushes closer and closer to the unprotected embankment. The cruiser slams to a stop completely upside-down. The T-Rex steps right on the cruiser, crushing the roof against the ground.  
  
INSIDE - the children crawl for their lives as the car crushes further down from above and a tidal wave of mud oozes in from the sides.  
  
THE REX - gnaws at the car, grabs a tire with his teeth, It ruptures with a pitiful pop. The Rex grabs at the axle with his teeth, begins to drag the car back. The kids, half-outside, are pulled with the car.  
  
RON DANCES -  
  
with a flare! The Rex is distracted, he ROARS. The flare gleams in his eyes.  
  
The Rex starts toward Ron. He tosses the flare over the half-standing part of the fence. The Rex lunges after the flare.  
  
Seamus has reached his limit. Terrorized, he leaps out and SCREAMS.  
  
Seamus: Extinct animals should stay extinct!  
  
He bolts. The Rex sees him and starts after him, THUNDERING by Ron, who stays frozen in place.  
  
Seamus sprints for his life. He's not even a distant match for the T- Rex jogging behind him.  
  
Seamus dives into the LADIES ROOM.  
  
INSIDE - he slams the door and shoves the trashcan against the door. POUNDING FOOTSTEPS APPROACH! Seamus backs up into one of the stalls. LOUDER POUNDING, THE WALLS BEGIN TO VIBRATE! Seamus assumes a 'tuck' position.  
  
The Rex smashes right through the steel-clad door. Pieces go flying.  
  
Seamus hides amidst the wreckage as the Rex sniffs around.  
  
RON RUNS BACK -  
  
to check on the kids. He reaches a hand underneath the flipped car, sitting in the mud. Draco's soft voice can be heard.  
  
Draco: Ron!  
  
Ron fishes under, finds Draco's hand, drags him out. He quickly checks him for broken bones.  
  
Ron: Draco, are you okay?  
  
Draco: Harry's unconscious, he won't move.  
  
Draco SCREAMS. Ron turns to see the Rex return. He squeezes Draco tight. The animal goes right past them, back to his toy - Harry's land cruiser!  
  
The Rex BELLOWS a huge cry. Harry awakens and sees the Rex above him. He SCREAMS.  
  
Draco, squeezed in Ron's arms, sees his imperiled Harry.  
  
Draco: Harry!  
  
The Tyrannosaur looks up, GROWLS across the upside-down cruiser, opens its huge jaws menacingly, all the time staring at Ron and Draco.  
  
INSIDE THE CAR - Harry tries to unwedge himself. A thin trickle of blood runs down his forehead. He's jammed between the crushed roof and the bent bench seat. He can't free himself.  
  
The Rex begins to SHOVE the cruiser toward Ron and Draco. They back up but they have very few feet left - they're almost at the embankment. But if they don't move, they'll by crushed by the oncoming car.  
  
Ron slings Draco onto his back. He grabs his hands around his neck and digs his feet into his sides. Ron begins to climb over the downed fence and into the embankment - it's a huge drop!  
  
Ron grabs a broken cable and lowers himself and Draco over the side of the embankment.  
  
Just in time as the Rex SHOVES the cruiser further. Now, the cruiser TEETERS right on the edge, turning again on its side. Harry hangs halfway out of the car, unable to get out further.  
  
Ron, with Draco on his back, slides down the cable, rappelling down the embankment. ABOVE, the car looms over them, rocking on the edge. Draco looks up and grabs Ron so tightly, he chokes him, unknowingly.  
  
Ron, eyes bulging, sees the danger from above. He pushes off the wall and swings them toward the next hanging cable. He reaches out and -  
  
- GRABS THE NEXT CABLE just as -  
  
- the T-Rex BELLOWS and lowers her head, and gives a final shove. Harry and the cruiser SAIL INTO SPACE. Harry SCREAMS!  
  
Ron and Draco swing out of the way as the cruiser sails past them. Draco SCREAMS, squeezing Ron's neck even tighter! They watch helplessly as the cruiser BOUNCES off the wall and CRASH-LANDS into the top of a tree at the base of the wall.  
  
Ron and Draco stare down at the wreck in the tree. Harry can't be seen. Ron, choking from Draco's grip, grabs his fingers.  
  
Ron: Dray. you're.c..choking.me..  
  
The Rex ROARS above. They look up.  
  
THE REX paws the air, GRUNTS in frustration and STALKS off, LIGHTNING FLASHES.  
  
The two boys are hauled away from the wrecked car in the fridge and find themselves in the now familiar vortex of film..  
  
TBC....... 


	4. A cave, a cross, some snakes and a whip

The two boys land with a thud on a couple of horses and find themselves riding them with ease.  
  
The riders on horseback cross the desert. From this distance they appear to be a company of Army Cavalry Soldiers.  
  
CLOSER ANGLES ON THE RIDERS reveal only details of saddles, hooves and uniforms. The riders are silhouetted against the rising sun as they ride into an ancient CLIFF PUEBLO.  
  
The OFFICER IN COMMAND raises his hand halting his troops.  
  
OFFICER: Dis-mount!  
  
RIDERS climb down from their mounts... and only now do we realize that this is a TROOP OF HOGWARTS STUDENTS, all of them about fifteen years of age. The "Commanding Officer" is only their POTIONS MASTER, Professor Snape.  
  
One of the Students, a kid named HARRY, steps away from his horse, bends over and pukes. The other Students rag on him.  
  
FIRST STUDENT Harry's horsesick!  
  
A BLOND STUDENT, however, befriends Harry. He has a thatch of straw-colored hair and the no-nonsense expression common to kids whose curiosity and appetite for knowledge exceed what they teach in school. Additionally, he has adorned his uniform with an authentic HOPI INDIAN WOVEN BELT.  
  
SNAPE: Chaps, don't anybody wander off. Some of the passageways in here can run for miles.  
  
Two students climb up the rocky base of the cliff.  
  
INT. THE PASSAGEWAY - DAY  
  
The two boys head down the passageway. It's dark, and the temperature drops several degrees. Spiders have built huge webs that get caught in the boys' hair.  
  
HARRY appears very uncertain as to the wisdom of this enterprise, but he's drawn on by his companion's adventurous curiosity.  
  
CONTINUED:  
  
HARRY:I don't think this is such a good idea.  
  
LAUGHTER is HEARD; the Blond Student pulls Harry forward toward its source.  
  
The VOICES GROW LOUDER now as the boys get closer to their source. The light of kerosene lanterns dances on the tunnel walls ahead. The boys approach cautiously, careful to stay hidden.  
  
HARRY: What is it?  
  
This is what they see:  
  
FOUR MEN digging with shovels and pick-axes. They have broken into one of the pueblo's SECRET CHAMBERS... called "Kivas."  
  
The men are ROUGH RIDER (his name describes his dress), GOYLE (a Bowery Boy bully of 14) and HALFBREED (with straight black hair that cascades over his shoulders).  
  
And the fourth man wears a LEATHER WAIST JACKET and BROWN FELT FEDORA HAT. He has his back turned to us, but we would be willing to bet anything that this is DRACO MALFOY (As INDIANA JONES.)  
  
However, when the man turns, and his face is illuminated by the lantern's glow, we are shocked to discover that it is someone else.  
  
We'll call him FEDORA.  
  
* * *  
  
The TWO BOYS are mesmerized by what they see.  
  
Now we realize that the Blond Student is actually young DRACO MALFOY.  
  
FEDORA: Peter, did you get anything yet?  
  
MAN: Nothing. Dig in.  
  
Two of the men stand and look at ROSCOE who steps forward holding a box in his hands.  
  
ROSCOE: Hey, I've got something!  
  
Whoops from the other men.  
  
ROSCOE: I got something, Tom!  
  
CONTINUED: (2)  
  
ROSCOE rushes forward and gives FEDORA the box. Fedora steps toward a lantern resting on a rock.  
  
ROSCOE I got something... I got something right here.  
  
More whoops from the other men.  
  
FEDORA puts the box on the rock next to the lantern. HALFBREED pushes ROSCOE as he jumps with excitement. ROUGH RIDER steps forward to look at the box as Fedora opens it.  
  
ROSCOE(more whoops; then): Oh, look at that! (more whoops) We're rich! We're rich!  
  
HALFBREED: Shut up. Shut up.  
  
FEDORA takes a BEJEWELED CROSS from the box and holds it aloft. Fedora's comrades practically salivate at the sight of it.  
  
ROSCOE: Well, we're rich, ain't we?l  
  
DRAY takes off his hat and looks down at the action.  
  
HARRY: Dray? Dray? What are they doing? Draco? Draco?  
  
DRAY: Shhh!  
  
FEDORA blows dust from the Cross, turning it in his hand, silently appraising its beauty... and its value. He seems aloof from the others; somehow superior to them.  
  
HALFBREED: Hey, we got to find more stuff to bring back.  
  
DRAY stays hidden, but is astounded by what he sees.  
  
DRAY: (hushed; urgent)It's the Cross of Coronadol, Cortes gave it to him in 1521  
  
CONTINUED: (3)  
  
FEDORA continues to admire the Cross, then places it on the rock next to its box and the lantern.  
  
DRAY turns back to observe the men.  
  
DRAY: That Cross is an important artifact. It belongs in a museum.  
  
A look of resolve comes into DRAY's expression, and he turns back toward HARRY.  
  
DRAY: Run back and find the others. Tell Snape that there are men looting in the caves.  
  
HARRY doesn't seem to be listening. Instead, he watches in wide-eyed horror as a SNAKE SLITHERS ACROSS HIS LAP.  
  
DRAY: Have him bring the sheriff.  
  
DRAY matter-of-factly picks up the snake and tosses it aside. HARRY gasps.  
  
DRAY: It's only a snake.  
  
DRAY grabs HARRY's Gryffindor scarf and pulls him closer.  
  
DRAY: Did you hear what I said?  
  
NEVILLE: Right. Run back. Snape. The Sheriff. What, what are you gonna do?  
  
DRAY: I don't know... I'll think of something.  
  
DRAY releases the scarf, gives Harry a pat and Harry dashes off. Dray sees the Cross on the rock next to the lantern. As the Robbers continue to search for additional valuables, Dray is able to work his way unseen to within arm's reach of the Cross...  
  
FEDORA looks over at the men digging in a hole.  
  
FEDORA: Dig with your hands.  
  
DRAY picks up the Cross.  
  
CONTINUED: (4)  
  
FEDORA: Not with your mouth.  
  
As FEDORA stands watching the other men digging, DRAY puts the Cross in his pants and begins to pull himself up a rope hanging nearby. As he climbs, Dray's feet break a wooden beam, attracting the men's attention.  
  
ROSCOE: He's got our thing!  
  
HALFBREED: Get 'im!  
  
The three Robbers are so eager to get their hands on DRAY, they almost knock each other over in the attempt.  
  
Only FEDORA is unperturbed. He casts a disgusted glance in the direction of his fleeing companions-then sets off after Dray.  
  
EXT. THECLIFFS - DAY  
  
DRAY EMERGES from the darkness of the Pueblo into the brightness of day.  
  
He pauses-squints-shields his eyes-looks in all directions.  
  
DRAY: Snape?! Anybody?! Everybody's lost but me!  
  
He hears RUNNING FOOTSTEPS BEHIND HIM and dashes off. ROUGH RIDER, HALFBREED, and ROSCOE are quick to appear and run after him.  
  
FEDORA: There he is!  
  
MEN: (AD-LIBS)Let's go! Let's get him! Let's go!  
  
Dray jumps from one rock to another; the STUDENTS HORSES are below. Dray puts two fingers in his mouth and WHISTLES for his horse, who trots over. Dray puts the Cross in his belt.  
  
DRAY PREPARES TO JUMP into the saddle. Hesitates. Then... he JUMPS. But the horse moves exactly at the wrong moment and Dray lands flat on his feet in a standing position. The impact sends a shock wave up his body that rattles his back teeth. Dray stands up and successfully mounts his horse.  
  
FEDORA AND HIS MEN ARRIVE at the roof's edge in time to see DRAY climb into the saddle and gallop off.  
  
CONTINUED:  
  
DRAY: Hyah! Hyah!  
  
ROSCOE: Hey! Come back here!  
  
FEDORA puts two fingers in his mouth and WHISTLES... and A VINTAGE TRUCK AND AUTOMOBILE come ROARING OUT from behind the Pueblo (Driven by two more gang members). Now we glimpse...  
  
THE MAN IN THE PANAMA HAT  
  
The passenger in the car. His face is concealed by the hat's wide brim. His arm is out the window, however, and we see an olive-colored hand protruding from the sleeve of an expensive white linen suit. He gestures to the Robbers, now in the truck.  
  
PANAMA HAT: Come on. Get him!  
  
DRAY SPURS his mount on to greater speeds but the autos not only keep pace with his horse... they begin to squeeze in on it.  
  
Speeding Autos. Thundering hooves. Rushing wind. Flying dust. DRAY crouched low and leaning forward in the saddle, his heart pounding, his adrenalin pumping.  
  
DRAY VEERS OFF in a new direction-toward a RAILROAD TRACK.  
  
EXT. A CIRCUS TRAIN - DAY  
  
The train is barreling down the track. DRAY rides up beside it. He glances over his shoulder and sees the car and truck gaining on him. No other choice... he LEAPS FROM HORSE TO TRAIN.  
  
He clings to the side of a BOXCAR, as HALFBREED and ROUGH RIDER leap from the truck onto the train.  
  
HALFBREED tries to grab DRAY, but Dray leaps onto another boxcar. Halfbreed runs after him but Dray leaps from the boxcar onto some covered boxes stacked on a flatcar.  
  
Dray loses his balance but regains it. With HALFBREED and ROUGH RIDER still running after him, Dray enters the trap door of...  
  
INT. THE REPTILE CAR - DAY  
  
and finds himself CRAWLING on a CATWALK suspended from the car's ceiling. Several feet below are NUMEROUS VATS containing all manner of reptiles: Alligators, crocodiles, giant lizards, etc.  
  
CONTINUED:  
  
Then, HALFBREED ENTERS through the trap door-followed by ROUGH RIDER. Halfbreed grabs hold of Dray's feet, but Dray kicks at him and he loses his grasp.  
  
Dray crawls away, toward an opening on the opposite side. HALFBREED grabs at Dray's feet again; Dray rolls away and we SEE large bins of squirming snakes.  
  
The combined weight of the three people is more than the catwalk was intended for, and the BOLTS BEGIN TO RIP FROM THE CEILING.  
  
Everyone holds their breath, afraid to make another move. Too late. SEVERAL BOLTS TEAR FREE. HALFBREED and ROUGH RIDER SCREAM... but it's Dray's end of the catwalk that DROPS DOWN... PLUNGING INDY to the floor of the car.  
  
He lands hard, with a SPLASH into a vat of water... where he finds himself eye-to-eye with an-  
  
ENORMOUS ANACONDA  
  
The head of this snake is so damn big, it looks more like a Tyrannosaurus Rex.  
  
DRAY: Oh...  
  
DRAY jumps back in horror... only to land with a SQUISH into the SNAKE VAT.  
  
DRAY: Oh... Oh...  
  
Hundreds of slippery, squirming snakes. DRAY sinks into them. They cover him. Engulf him. Almost smother him.  
  
DRAY jumps out of the side of the vat, freeing himself.  
  
DRAY locates a clean-out door at the bottom of the car and uses it to escape.  
  
HALFBREED, meanwhile, tries to open the closed window of the car. He groans. ROUGH RIDER moves to assist him.  
  
ROUGH RIDER: Here, let me.  
  
EXT. THE TRAIN- DAY  
  
DRAY stops, checks to see the Cross still lodged in his belt. Suddenly he looks worried as he frantically reaches into his shirt, REMOVES A SNAKE FROM IT and tosses it away.  
  
ROSCOE APPEARS atop the reptile car and manages to grab DRAY. Dray kicks at him. Roscoe grabs onto the side of the reptile car as Dray moves on to...  
  
EXT. A FLATCAR - DAY  
  
DRAY climbs over canvas-covered circus equipment. ROSCOE follows, grabbing a long stick with a hook on it. He reaches forward and trips Dray, who falls onto the roof of the rhino boxcar.  
  
INT. THE RHINO BOXCAR - DAY  
  
A lamp falls from the ceiling with the impact of Dray's fall, hitting a HUGE BLACK RHINOCEROS.  
  
EXT. THE RHINO BOXCAR - DAY  
  
ROSCOE grabs DRAY by the ankle and yanks him off his feet. The two struggle, rolling from side to side, coming perilously close to rolling right off the edge. Things get even more serious when Roscoe PULLS A KNIFE.  
  
IN THE BOXCAR BELOW  
  
... THE FEROCIOUS BLACK RHINO is becoming extremely agitated by the commotion going on atop his cage. Finally, he raises his head and THRUSTS HIS HORN THROUGH THE ROOF.  
  
BACK TO THE ROOFTOP  
  
as the horn SMASHES through the wood only inches from DRAY's head. Dray and Roscoe stare at the horn in amazement as they continue to struggle. SMASH! The horn comes up again-RIGHT BETWEEN DRAY'S LEGS.  
  
DRAY: Holy smokes!  
  
DRAY kicks ROSCOE away. Roscoe rolls to the edge of the car but keeps from falling. Dray flips over onto his stomach.  
  
EXT. THE REPTILE CAR - DAY  
  
The WOODEN TRAP DOOR EXPLODES as a BULLET is FIRED from within. The door is pushed open and HALFBREED and ROUGH RIDER hurry out of the car.  
  
EXT. THE RHINO BOXCAR - DAY  
  
DRAY gets to his feet-looks ahead-sees a WATER TANK alongside the track directly up ahead. Dray gets an idea...  
  
In an instant, he calculates his approach-times the distance-and LEAPS for the tank's WATER SPOUT.  
  
CONTINUED:  
  
He catches it perfectly... but his velocity causes the water spout to ROTATE A FULL 360 DEGREES. With Dray hanging on, feet kicking, the water spout deposits him back on the train, onto the ROOF OF A STOCKCAR, where he looks up to see FEDORA walking toward him.  
  
FEDORA: Come on, kid. There's no way out of this.  
  
As Dray edges away from FEDORA, a portion of the STOCKCAR'S ROOF COLLAPSES and Dray FALLS THROUGH into the car below.  
  
INT. THE STOCKCAR - DAY  
  
DRAY CRASHES down from above. Dust rises.  
  
DRAY: Ohhh!  
  
DRAY's eyes take a moment to adjust to the dark. A bit of sunlight leaks in through the cracks between the boards.  
  
Then DRAY sees it. At the far end of the boxcar. Rising slowly to its feet... an AFRICAN LION. The Lion ROARS. The boxcar walls shake. Dray gasps. Dust swirls up into the shafts of sunlight.  
  
And DRAY has one more surprise in store: The Cross of Cortes has been dislodged from his belt during the fall...  
  
DRAY glances around, sees a coiled LION TAMER'S WHIP hanging on a nail. He carefully takes it down by the handle. The Lion sees this and GROWLS SOFTLY.  
  
DRAY swallows hard and gives the whip a try. It unravels awkwardly, its TIP flying back and HITTING DRAY IN THE FACE... CUTTING his chin.  
  
The Lion GROWLS LOUDER. DRAY quickly gathers up the whip, wets his lips, and tries again. This time-success! The WHIP CRACKS SHARPLY. The Lion BELLOWS and SWATS the air... and steps back.  
  
DRAY looks amazed and delighted. He CRACKS the whip again. The Lion backs away even more. Dray inches forward-bends down (never taking his eyes off the Lion)-picks up the Cross-and steps back again, sweat pouring down his face.  
  
But now... how to get out?  
  
He looks up at the opening through which he fell and sees FEDORA LOOKING DOWN AT HIM. Fedora extends his hand.  
  
FEDORA: Toss up the whip.  
  
EXT. THE ROOFTOP OF STOCKCAR  
  
FEDORA, assisted by HALFBREED and ROUGH RIDER, "reels" DRAY out of the Stockcar as the Lion ROARS and lunges and Dray screams.  
  
The men, including ROSCOE, pull DRAY through the hole in the roof. He stands to face them as ROUGH RIDER points a gun in his direction.  
  
FEDORA: You've got heart, kid. (indicates Cross) But that belongs to me.  
  
DRAY: (takes Cross from his belt) It belongs to Coronado.  
  
FEDORA: (overlapping)Coronado is dead. And so are all his grandchildren.  
  
DRAY: This should be in a museum.  
  
ROSCOE: Now give me that!  
  
ROSCOE makes a grab for the Cross-but DRAY doesn't let go. A tug-of-war ensues until a SNAKE WIGGLES OUT FROM DRAY'S SHIRTSLEEVE and WRAPS AROUND Roscoe's hand.  
  
ROSCOE SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER-releases his grip on the Cross and tries to shake off the snake. This is all the opportunity Dray needs. He LEAPS ONTO THE NEXT CAR.  
  
FEDORA: Don't let him get away!  
  
IDRAY swings down to the caboose. He sees a sign above the caboose door reading "DR. FANTASY'S MAGIC CABOOSE."  
  
DRAY: Magic?  
  
He glances back at the men and quickly opens the door to the caboose, stepping inside.  
  
FEDORA puts out his arm, gesturing for the others not to follow Dray.  
  
FEDORA: Hold it. Make sure he doesn't double back.  
  
INT. THE CABOOSE - DAY  
  
which contains the circus MAGIC EQUIPMENT. DRAY rushes to the rear door of the caboose but can't open it. He hears FEDORA coming, and dives into a MAGIC BOX.  
  
FEDORA: Okay, kid. out of the box. Now.  
  
FEDORA smiles confidently and advances toward the box. The box unexpectedly collapses; all four sides flop away... revealing NOTHING. DRAY has completely vanished.  
  
FEDORA is mystified, frustrated and angered. Then he feels a breeze at his back. He turns and discovers that the caboose door is open. He rushes out onto the balcony and sees:  
  
DRAY RUNNING along the tracks, turning up a street of modest clapboard houses.  
  
FEDORA: Damn.  
  
Draco see's Harry standing a far way in front of him, a brown felt fedora hat blows down the road and he picks it up, recognizing it as the the very same hat worn by fedora, he puts it on but before he can do anything else, they are again pulled into THAT vortex... 


	5. A walking carpet, a family secret and a ...

EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- BOG -- DUSK  
  
In the bright lights of the fighter, Luke loads a heavy case into the belly of the ship. Seamus (as Artoo) sits on top of the X-wing, settling down into his cubbyhole. Dobby (as Yoda) stands nearby on a log.  
  
DOBBY: Harry! You must complete the training.  
  
HARRY: I can't keep the vision out of my head. They're my friends. I've got to help them.  
  
DOBBY: You must not go!  
  
HARRY: But Ron and Hermione will die if I don't.  
  
DUMBLEDORE'S VOICE: You don't know that.  
  
Harry looks toward the voice in amazement. Dumbledore has materialized as a real, lightly shimmering image near Dobby. The power of his presence stops Harry.  
  
DUMBLDORE: Even Dobby cannot see their fate.  
  
HARRY: But I can help them! I feel the Force!  
  
DUMBLEDORE: But you cannot control it. This is a dangerous time for you, when you will be tempted by the dark side of the Force.  
  
DOBBY: Yes, yes. To Dumbledore you listen. The cave. Remember your failure at the cave!  
  
HARRY: But I've learned so much since then. Master Dobby, I promise to return and finish what I've begun. You have my word.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: It is you and your abilities the Emperor wants. that is why your friends are made to suffer.  
  
HARRY: And that is why I have to go.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Harry, I don't want to lose you to the Emperor the way I lost Voldermort.  
  
HARRY: You won't.  
  
DOBBY: Stopped they must be. On this depends. Only a fully trained Jedi Knight with the Force as his ally will conquer Voldermort and his Emperor. If you end your training now, if you choose the quick and easy path, as Voldermort did, you will become an agent of evil.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Patience.  
  
HARRY: And sacrifice Hermione and Ron?  
  
DOBBY: If you honor what they fight for...yes!  
  
Harry is in great anguish. He struggles with the dilemma, a battle raging in his mind.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: If you choose to face Voldermort, you will do it alone. I cannot interfere.  
  
HARRY: I understand. (he moves to his X-wing) Seamus, fire up the converters.  
  
Seamus whistles a happy reply.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Harry, don't give in to hate -- that leads to the dark side.  
  
Luke nods and climbs into his ship.  
  
DOBBY: Strong is Voldermort. Mind what you have learned. Save you it can.  
  
HARRY: I will. And I'll return. I promise.  
  
Seamus closes the cockpit. Dumbledore and Dobby stand watching as the roar of the engines and the wind engulf them.  
  
DOBBY: (sighs) Told you, I did. Reckless is he. Now matters are worse.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: That boy is our last hope.  
  
DOBBY: (looks up) No. There is another.  
  
EXTERIOR: SPACE -- PLANET DAGOBAH  
  
Harry's tiny X-wing rockets away from the green planet of Dagobah and off into space.  
  
EXTERIOR: HARRY'S X-WING -- BESPIN SYSTEM  
  
Harry's x-wing races through thick clouds toward Cloud City.  
  
INTERIOR: HARRY'S X-WING -- COCKPIT  
  
Harry is grim-faced as he pilots his course toward Bespin's shining city. Seamus' beeps and whistles are transmitted onto the scope.  
  
HARRY: (into comlink) No, Draco (As Threepio)'s with them.  
  
Seamus whistles another worried inquiry.  
  
HARRY: (into comlink) Just hang on. We're almost there.  
  
INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY -- LARGE CELL  
  
Lupin (as Chewbacca) is in a Cloud City prison cell. The stark room is flooded with hot light. To add to Lupin's misery, a high-pitched whistle screeches loudly. Lupin is going mad. He hits the wall with giant fists as he paces back and forth across the cell floor. The upper lights go off abruptly. The prisoner rubs his eyes and moves to a wall, where he listens for a moment. Then, moaning to himself, he moves to a platform where the disassembled pieces of Draco lie. He picks up the golden droid's head and meditates on it for a moment, barking a few philosophical remarks. Lupin sticks the robot's head on its torso and starts adjusting wires and circuits. Suddenly, the lights in Draco's eyes spark to life as Lupin touches two connectors together. Draco immediately begins to speak, but his voice is so slow and so low as to be nearly unintelligible.  
  
DRACO: Mmmm. Oh, my. Uh, I, uh -- Take this off! I, uh, don't mean to intrude here. I, don't, no, no, no...Please don't get up. No!  
  
Lupin looks at Draco in bewilderment, then scratches his furry head. He gets an idea and adjusts some connections, whereupon Draco immediately begins speaking normally.  
  
DRACO: Death Eaters? Here? We're in danger. I must tell the others. Oh, no! I've been shot!  
  
INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY -- PRISON ENTRY AREA  
  
Voldermort strides through the room as two Death Eaters prepare an elaborate torture mechanism. Ron is strapped to a rack which tilts forward onto the torture device. Voldermort activates the mechanism, creating two bursts of sparks, one of which strikes Ron's face. The door opens, and Voldermort moves to the holding chamber, where Pettigrew (as Lando) and Lucius (as Boba Fett) await him.  
  
INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY -- HOLDING CHAMBER  
  
PETTIGREW: Lord Voldermort.  
  
VOLDERMORT: (to Lucius) You may take Captain Weasly to Cornelius Fudge after I have Potter.  
  
Ron's screams filter through the torture room door.  
  
LUCIUS: He's no good to me dead.  
  
VOLDERMORT: He will not be permanently damaged.  
  
PETTIGREW: Lord Voldermort, what about Hermione and the Warewolf?  
  
VOLDERMORT: They must never again leave this city.  
  
PETTIGREW: That was never a condition of our agreement, nor was giving Ron to this bounty hunter!  
  
VOLDERMORT: Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly.  
  
PETTIGREW: No.  
  
VOLDERMORT: Good. It would be unfortunate if I had to leave a garrison here.  
  
Voldermort turns and sweeps into the elevator with Lucius Malfoy. Pettigrew walks swiftly down another corridor, muttering to himself.  
  
PETTIGREW: This deal's getting worse all the time.  
  
INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY -- LARGE CELL  
  
Lupin now has a little more of Draco back together. One arm is connected, but the legs are yet to be attached. There is one small problem, however. It seems the Warewolf has managed to put the droid's head on backwards.  
  
DRACO: Oh, yes, that's very good. I like that. Oh! Something's not right because now I can't see. Wait. Wait! Oh, my! what have you done? I'm backwards, you stupid furball. Only an overgrown mophead like you would be stupid enough...  
  
Draco is cut off in mid-sentence as Lupin angrily deactivates a circuit and the droid shuts down. The Warewolf smells something and sits up. The door to the chamber slides open and a ragged Ron Weasly is shoved into the room by two Death Eaters. Barking his concern, the huge Warewolf gives Ron a big hug. Ron is very pale, with dark circles under his eyes.  
  
RON: I feel terrible.  
  
Lupin helps Ron to a platform and then turns as the door slides open revealing Hermione. She, too, looks a little worse for wear. The Death Eaters push her into the cell, and the door slides closed. She moves to Ron, who is lying on the platform, and kneels next to him, gently stroking his head.  
  
HERMIONE: Why are they doing this?  
  
RON: They never even asked me any questions.  
  
The cell door slides open. Pettigrew and two of his guards enter.  
  
HERMIONE: Peter.  
  
RON: Get out of here, Peter!  
  
PETTIGREW: Shut up and listen! Voldermort has agreed to turn Hermione and Lupin over to me.  
  
RON: Over to you?  
  
PETTIGREW: They'll have to stay here, but at least they'll be safe.  
  
HERMIONE: What about RON?  
  
PETTIGREW: Voldermort's giving him to the bounty hunter.  
  
HERMIONE: Voldermort wants us all dead.  
  
PETTIGREW: He doesn't want you at all. He's after somebody called Potter.  
  
RON: Harry?  
  
PETTIGREW: Lord Voldermort has set a trap for him.  
  
Hermione's mind is racing.  
  
HERM: And we're the bait.  
  
PETTIGREW: Well, he's on his way.  
  
Ron's rage peaks.  
  
RON: Perfect. You fixed us all pretty good, didn't you? (spits it out) My friend!  
  
Ron hauls off and punches Pettigrew. The two friends are instantly engaged in a frantic close-quarters fight. The guards hit Ron with their rifle butts and he flies across the room. Lupin growls and starts for the guards. They point their laser weapons at the giant Warewolf, but Pettigrew stops them.  
  
PETTIGREW: Stop! I've done all I can do. I'm sorry I couldn't do better, but I have my own problems.  
  
RON: Yeah, you're a real hero.  
  
Pettigrew and the guards leave. Ron wipes the blood from his chin as Hermione and Lupin help him up.  
  
HERMIONE: (dabs at his wound) You certainly have a way with people.  
  
Meanwhile, Ron is frozen in carbonite.  
  
INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY -- CORRIDOR -- DAY As Luke and Seamus move carefully down a deserted corridor, they hear a group of people coming down a side hallway. Seamus lets out an excited series of beeps and whistles. Harry glares at the tiny droid, who stops in his tracks with a feeble squeak. Lucius Malfoy enters from a side hallway followed by two guards pushing the floating, encased body of Ron. Two Death Eaters, who follow, immediately spot Harry and open fire on him. The youth draws his weapon and blasts the two Death Eaters before they can get off a second shot. The two guards whisk Ron into another hallway as Malfoy lowers his arm and fires a deadly laser at Harry, which explodes to one side and tears up a huge chunk of wall. Harry rushes to a side hallway, but by the time he reaches it, Malfoy, Ron, and the guards are gone. A thick metal door blocks the passage. Harry turns to see Hermione, Lupin, Draco, and Pettigrew being herded down a second hallway by several other Death Eaters. Hermione turns just in time to see Harry.  
  
HERMIONE: Harry! Harry, don't -- it's a trap! It's a trap!  
  
Before she can finish, she is pulled through a doorway and disappears from sight. Harry races after the group, leaving little Seamus trailing behind.  
  
INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY -- ANTEROOM  
  
Harry runs into an anteroom and stops to get his bearings. Hermione and the others are nowhere to be seen. Behind Harry, Seamus scoots down the corridor toward the anteroom when suddenly a giant metal door comes slamming down, cutting off Harry's exit. Several more doors clang shut, echoing through the chamber.  
  
INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY -- HALLWAY LEADING TO ANTEROOM  
  
Seamus stands with his nose pressed against the giant metal door. He whistles a long sigh of relief and, a little dazed, wanders off in the other direction.  
  
INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY -- CARBON-FREEZING CHAMBER -- ANTEROOM  
  
Harry cautiously walks forward among hissing pipes and steam. Seeing an opening above him, he stops to look up. As he does, the platform he stands on begins to move.  
  
Harry rises into the chamber, borne by the platform. The room is deathly quiet. Very little steam escapes the pipes and no one else seems to be in the large room. Warily, Harry walks toward the stairway. Steam begins to build up in the chamber. Looking up through the steam, Harry sees a dark figure standing on a walkway above him. Harry holsters his gun and moves up the stairs to face Voldermort. He feels confident, eager to engage his enemy.  
  
VOLDERMORT: The Force is with you, young Potter. But you are not a Jedi yet.  
  
Harry ignites his sword in answer. In an instant, Voldermorts's own sword is lit. Harry lunges, but Voldermort repels the blow. Again Harry attacks, and the swords of the two combatants clash in battle.  
  
INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY -- CARBON-FREEZING CHAMBER  
  
Harry and Voldermort are locked in combat on the platform overlooking the chamber. Their swords clash, the platform sways. Harry aggressively drives Voldermort back, forcing Voldermort to use defensive tactics.  
  
VOLDERMORT: You have learned much, young one.  
  
HARRY: You'll find I'm full of surprises.  
  
Voldermort makes two quick moves, hooking Harry's sword out of his hand and sending it flying. Another lightning move at Harry's feet forces the youth to jump back to protect himself. Losing his balance, Harry rolls down the stairs to the circular carbon-freezing platform. There he sprawls on the floor, surprised and shaken. Just in time he looks up to see Voldermort, like a giant black bird, flying right at him. Harry rolls away as Voldermort lands. Crouching, Harry keeps his gaze steadily on his enemy.  
  
VOLDERMORT: Your destiny lies with me, Potter. Dumbledore knew this to be true.  
  
HARRY: No!  
  
Behind Harry the hydraulic elevator cover has opened noiselessly. All the while, Harry slowly, cautiously moves back, away from the Dark Lord. Suddenly, Voldermort attacks so forcefully that Harry loses his balance and falls back into the opening. There is a rumble, and in an instant freezing steam rises to obscure Voldermort's vision. Voldermort turns aside and deactivates his sword.  
  
VOLDERMORT: All to easy. Perhaps you are not as strong as the Emperor thought.  
  
Through the steam behind Voldermort something blurs upward. Liquid metal begins to pour into the pit. Voldermort turns around -- and then looks up. He sees Harry, who has leaped fifteen feet straight up and who now hangs from some hoses on the carbonite outlet.  
  
VOLDERMORT: Impressive...most impressive.  
  
Harry jumps down to the platform where he is separated from Voldermort by the steaming carbonite pit. He raises his hand. His sword, which had fallen on another part of the platform, swiftly jumps into his outstretched hand and is instantly ignited. Voldermort immediately lights his sword as well.  
  
VOLDERMORT: Dumbledore has taught you well. You have controlled your fear... now release your anger.  
  
Harry is more cautious, controlling his anger. He begins to retreat as Voldermort goads him on. As Harry takes a defensive position, he realizes he has been foolhardy. A quick sword exchange and Harry forces Voldermort back. Another exchange and Voldermort retreats. Harry presses forward.  
  
VOLDERMORT: Only your hatred can destroy me.  
  
Breathing hard, Harry jumps in the air, turning a somersault over Voldermort. He lands on the floor and slashes at Voldermort as the room continues to fill up with steam. Voldermort retreats before Harry's skillful sword. Voldermort blocks the sword, but looses his balance and falls into the outer rim of pipes. The energy Harry has used to stop Voldermort has brought him to the point of collapse. Harry moves to the edge and looks down, but sees no sign of Voldermort. He then deactivates his sword, hooks it on his belt, and lowers himself into the pit.  
  
INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY -- TUNNEL AND REACTOR CONTROL ROOM  
  
Moving through a tunnellike entrance, Harry cautiously approaches the reactor room. He ignites his sword and moves into the room and toward a large window as Voldermort enters. Harry raises his sword and moves forward to attack. Behind Harry a large piece of machinery detaches itself from the wall and comes smashing forward toward his back. Harry turns and cuts it in half just as another machine comes hurtling at him. Using the Force, Harry manages to deflect it and send it flying as if it had hit an invisible shield. A large pipe detaches and comes flying at Harry. He deflects it. Sparking wires pull out of the wall and begin to whip at the youth. Small tools and equipment come flying at him. Bombardment from all sides, Harry does his best to deflect everything, but soon he is bloodied and bruised. Finally, one machine glances off his and goes flying out the large window. A fierce wind blows into the room, unmoving, stands the dark, rocklike figure of Voldermort. A piece of machinery hits Harry and he is knocked out of the window.  
  
INTERIOR: GANTRY -- OUTSIDE CONTROL ROOM -- REACTOR SHAFT  
  
Harry falls onto the gantry, rolls, and hangs over the edge, holding his deactivated sword in hand. He puts the sword on his belt and begins to scramble up.  
  
Hermione, Pettigrew, Lupin and the droids come round a corner and head for the door to the landing platform. They glimpse the Millennium Falcon for a moment before the door slams shut. The group ducks into an alcove as Death Eaters arrive at the end of the corridor. The Death Eaters send a rain of laser bolts at the group. Lupin returns their fire as Pettigrew punches desperately at the door's control panel.  
  
PETTIGREW: The security codes has been changed!  
  
DRACO: Seamus, you can tell the computer to override the security system.  
  
Draco points to a computer socket on the control panel. Seamus beeps and scoots toward it. Pettigrew meanwhile has connected up to the panel's intercom.  
  
PETTIGREW: Attention! This is Peter Pettigrew. The Empire has taken control of the city. I advise everyone to leave before more Death Eaters arrive.  
  
Seamus takes off a computer cover and sticks his computer arm into the socket. Suddenly, a short beep turns into a wild scream. Seamus' circuits light up, his head spins wildly, and smoke begins to seep out underneath him. Quickly, Lupin pulls him away.  
  
PETTIGREW: This way.  
  
Pettigrew, Hermione, Seamus, and Lupin flee down the corridor. As he scoots along with them, Seamus sends some angry beeps Draco's way.  
  
Draco: Don't blame me. I'm an interpreter. I'm not supposed to know a power socket from a computer terminal.  
  
INTERIOR: GANTRY -- OUTSIDE CONTROL ROOM -- REACTOR SHAFT  
  
Harry moves along the railing and up to the control room. Voldermort lunges at him and Harry immediately raises his lit sword to meet Voldermort's. Sparks fly as they duel, Voldermort gradually forcing Harry backward toward the gantry.  
  
VOLDERMORT: You are beaten. It is useless to resist. Don't let yourself be destroyed as Dumbledore did.  
  
Harry answers by rolling sideways and thrusting his sword at Voldermort so viciously that he nicks Voldermort on the shoulder. The black armor sparks and smokes and Voldermort seems to be hurt, but immediately recovers. Harry backs off along the narrow end of the gantry as Voldermort comes at him, slashing at the young Jedi with his sword. Harry makes a quick move around the instrument complex attached to the end of the gantry. Voldermort's sword comes slashing down, cutting the complex loose; it begins to fall, then is caught by the rising wind and blown upward. Harry glances at the instrument complex floating away. At that instant, Voldermort's sword comes down across Harry's right forearm, cutting off his hand and sending his sword flying. In great pain, Harry squeezes his forearm under his left armpit and moves back along the gantry to its extreme end. Voldermort follows. The wind subsides. Harry holds on. There is nowhere else to go.  
  
VOLDERMORT: There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover you power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.  
  
HARRY: I'll never join you!  
  
VOLDEMRORT: If you only knew the power of the dark side. Dumbledore never told you what happened to your father.  
  
HARRY: He told me enough! He told me you killed him.  
  
VOLDERMORT: No, Harry. I am your father.  
  
Shocked, Harry looks at Voldermort in utter disbelief.  
  
HARRY: No. No. That's not true! That's impossible!  
  
VOLDERMORT: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.  
  
HARRY: No! No! No!  
  
VOLDERMORT: Harry. You can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and we can rule the galaxy as father and son. Come with me. It's the only way.  
  
Voldermort puts away his sword and holds his hand out to Harry. A calm comes over Harry, and he makes a decision. In the next instant he steps off the gantry platform into space. The Dark Lord looks over the platform and sees Harry falling far below. The wind begins to blow at Voldermort's cape and the torrent finally forces him back, away from the edge. The wind soon fades and the wounded Jedi begins to drop fast, unable to grab onto anything to break his fall.  
  
INTERIOR: REACTOR SHAFT  
  
Suddenly Harry is sucked into an exhaust pipe in the side of the shaft. When Voldermort sees this, he turns and hurries off the platform.  
  
Harry tumbles through the exhaust pipe. He slides to the end of the slickly polished pipe and stops as his feet hit a circular grill and knock it open. Harry claws at the surface of the pipe, trying to keep from sliding out into space.  
  
EXTERIOR: BOTTOM OF CLOUD CITY -- WEATHER VANE -- DUSK  
  
Unable to hang onto the pipe, Harry tumbles out, emerging at the undermost part of Cloud City. Reaching out desperately, he manages to grab onto on electronic weather vane.  
  
HARRY: Dumbledore - Dumbledore, please!  
  
Harry tries to pull himself up on the weather vane but slips back down. He hooks one of his legs around the fragile instruments. All the while, a powerful current of air rushes out at him from the exhaust pipe.  
  
HARRY: Dumbledore.. Hermione!  
  
There is an ominous cracking sound from the base of the weather vane and a piece breaks off, falling into the clouds far below.  
  
HARRY: Hear me! Hermione!  
  
INTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON -- COCKPIT  
  
Hermione seems to be lost in a fog, her expression troubled. Lupin is busy operating the ship. Pettigrew stands next to the Warewolf, watching a readout on the control panel.  
  
Hermione: Harry...We've got to go back.  
  
Lupin growls in surprise.  
  
PETTIGREW: What?  
  
HERMIONE: I know where Harry is.  
  
PETTIGREW: But what about those fighters?  
  
Lupin barks in agreement with Pettigrew.  
  
HERMIONE: Lupin, just do it.  
  
PETTIGREW: But what about Voldermort?  
  
Lupin turns on Pettigrew, the newcomer, with an ominous growl.  
  
PETTIGREW: All right, all right, all right.  
  
EXTERIOR: BOTTOM OF CLOUD CITY -- WEATHER VANE  
  
Nearly unconscious, Harry hangs upside-down on the weather vane as his body shifts in the wind.  
  
He falls before the falcon reaches him, and suddenly he is falling again.  
  
HARRY: damn bloody vortex. 


	6. A Punk band, Vampires and Pansy

Voldermort laughs. Draco and Harry are thrust into a dark crowded arena. Draco finds himself standing on the stage, before the huge crowd, Harry is in the crowd, he stares up trying to look for Draco but it is too dark to see. Draco turns to see Voldermort by his side. VOLDERMORT: This is what you've always wanted.  
  
DRACO: With all my heart.  
  
VOLDERMORT: I've always enjoyed your company, Draco.  
  
DRACO: Then stick around.  
  
VOLDERMORT: (hesitantly) There's still time to leave.  
  
DRACO: And disappoint my fans?  
  
VOLDERMORT: Yes, maybe even me. Draco smiles, appreciates the sentiment. VOLDERMORT: Give me a yell from hell, won't you?  
  
DRACO: When I think of you.  
  
VOLDERMORT: Good-bye, Draco. Draco just closes his eyes again and listens to the call of his name from the CROWD. Draco opens his eyes again. Voldermort has gone.  
  
"BOOM," the TORCHES light and an enormous CHORD surges through the crowd louder than a jet on takeoff.  
  
The mass surges forward, bringing Harry with it, toward the stage as the stage lights up in a huge halo of blood-red light.  
  
The band plays a hypnotic tune that would put the devil in a spell, as we wait for Draco.  
  
The band keeps playing the pounding cadence, as...  
  
The audience doesn't see Draco anywhere and cheers over the sound, and it seems as if the whole of Death Valley is shaking, when...  
  
Draco appears above the stage, inhumanly levitating and... DRACO: I'm so glad I decided to rise... (shouting) After tonight, Death Valley will  
  
live up to its name! The place erupts into one solid scream as the band kicks it in.  
  
He swoops down through the air over the stage and into their very midst.  
  
Draco takes the microphone and leans his lips into it, letting his voice soar into an inhuman note, literally filling the valley like a demon demanding heaven be replaced with hell. The pulsing strain moves into a faster beat as the whole place resonates with the most incredible harmonics, the energy throbbing, the crowd almost genuflecting in front of this papal devil. All move and sway except for... Harry, who stares enraptured, drawing toward the stage unconsciously, managing to maneuver closer and closer to...  
  
Draco, who commands the place with his ECHOING VOICE.  
  
Harry keeps moving forward, squeezing through bodies and finds himself...  
  
Right under Draco, who holds the place in the palm of his hand.  
  
Draco's dark soul seems ready to burst as he moves his voice into an even higher unworldly octave, and then... The Death Eaters move through the crowd,  
  
Goth girls in the front row, weeping...  
  
Goyle, Crabbe, Blaise and Snape off in the clouds, playing the best music of their lives.  
  
The place has gone wild, living off its energy now, as waves of sound bounce through the valley and up into the night sky. DRACO: You want more?! The crowd screams... CROWD: Yes!  
  
DRACO: This one's for those who've come for me! All yell that they have, but the Death Eaters know it's for them.  
  
Draco launches the band into a new number that makes the previous song seem like a lullaby. He eyes the Death Eater-assassins here and there and sings straight to them.  
  
His lyrics challenging the assassins, flaunting them with satire. The death eaters need no more encouragement as they begin to move through the crowd toward the stage.  
  
We see a dozen assassins snaking at preternatural speed, unseen to all except us in our inhuman vantage. Draco knows well enough as the assassins move in.  
  
The assassins approach closer -- Draco assaults with relentless lyrics...  
  
Reaching the stage, they are suddenly on it -- roadies run in and are immediately cast aside by inhuman powers.  
  
The assassins draw knives and lunge.  
  
Draco does an acrobatic leap, dodging the knives. He rips the microphone from the stand and holds it up just in time...  
  
... as an assassin is impaled. the assassin squirms and convulses...  
  
The crowd goes insane...  
  
Draco snarls at the audience as if this really were part of the performance...  
  
The assassins attack again...  
  
Voldermort, despite himself, flies over equipment and roadies up into the air, and... The crowd cheers at the sudden appearance of the figure on stage, loving the show.  
  
The band keeps playing.  
  
Voldermort slices two of the assassins with a knife.  
  
Draco is struck down, his singing stopped. Assassins corner Draco and Voldermort -- blades reflecting the spotlight. Draco raises his arms for the crowd. VOLDERMORT: Enjoying yourself?  
  
DRACO: Absolutely. The crowd jeers now.  
  
Draco looks to Goyle and the band. DRACO: Get out of here! The band scampers off stage as the assassins fly past...  
  
Harry looks up at Draco on stage. He joins the screaming crowds. HARRY: Draco! He is pulled around by a dark figure - it is Hagrid. He recognizes him, smiles. He holds him. The killer vampires make their final move, when...  
  
One after the other they spontaneously combust, body after body turning hot white to black ash and drift up into the air like strange supernatural kites.  
  
Goyle, Crabbe, Blaise and Snape put down their instruments and run -- the REVERB from their GUITARS WHISTLES into a DEAFENING PITCH.  
  
The crowd hollers and screams, not quite believing what they saw or how it was done when...  
  
Down in the throng, death eaters also begin to combust -- hot flashes of white exploding throughout the crowd, turning into black paper dolls -- wafting up over the valley -- crumbling into fluttering puffs of soot.  
  
Panic takes over the mass of people, running in all directions, trying to escape this mysterious fate.  
  
Draco stands in wonder as Voldermort stares up high into the darkness. VOLDERMORT: (soft, to himself) Pansy. (as Akasha) The valley fills with burning "kites" floating like black ghosts.  
  
There is a low powerful RUMBLE...  
  
Dark storm clouds boil and tumble above the stage...  
  
The mortal crowd looks around, distracted from their panic, as they sense something truly awesome...  
  
Draco senses it too. He looks up, not knowing from which direction the attack will come...  
  
The STAGE starts to SHUDDER and SHAKE violently...  
  
Voldermort moves back towards Draco... VOLDEMRORT: Draco! the WOODEN PLATFORM beneath Draco begins to BUCKLE under his feet. Fragments of WOOD EXPLODE upwards around Draco. Voldermort loses his balance and staggers backwards...  
  
Pansy rises up through the stage. Beautiful and terrifying. Her green eyes glow as she smiles at Draco.  
  
Draco is dumbstruck. Suddenly, a great force throws him towards her. He stares as he finds himself in Pansy's arms. she smiles and raises her face to the sky...  
  
The crowd stare in awe... Pansy and Draco shoot up into the air... SCAFFOLDS COLLAPSE in an EXPLOSION of ELECTRICAL SPARKS...  
  
Pansy and Draco vanish. In a blur, Draco is whisked up into the dark clouds.  
  
BLACKNESS. Draco opens his eyes and finds himself at the base of the enormous letters.  
  
Draco whirls around to suddenly see behind him...  
  
Pansy in an extravagant Egyptian robe, its sheer cloth of gold draping her godly form.  
  
Draco is awestruck. Pansy comes to life... DRACO: Pansy... Pansy still says nothing -- she advances with a luscious, curling smile. PANSY: Why so surprised, my love? You called, and I have come. Draco is awestruck. There is such an unearthly power in Pansy's voice. Everything seems to HUM and VIBRATE with her every breath. Pansy approaches... PANSY: Never fear me, Draco. Your wishes have all come true.  
  
DRACO: My wishes...?  
  
PANSY: You have yearned for a companion to share eternity. You have cried out to the world. I have answered your call. Pansy spreads her arms. Draco is seized by an unseen force and thrown into Pansy's arms. She smiles as he gasps for air. PANSY: You think that little mortal boy can satisfy you. I know you, Draco. I know that you crave to have the world at your feet. Now, I have come to give it to you. Pansy bites her own lip.  
  
Blood trickles slightly across her chin.  
  
Draco stares at the blood, yearns towards it, as the PULSE of her BLOOD INCREASES...  
  
Pansy rises above him and hovers over Draco, letting a single drop of blood...  
  
Spill into his mouth.  
  
Draco levitates above the ground to meet her as...  
  
Pansy hovers higher drawing him into the sky until...  
  
Their mouths finally meet and her blood flows freely into him.  
  
Flashes of brilliant light strobe over them as Draco sucks. There's a powerful RUSH of WIND that engulfs them as they spin together, detached from time and space. Draco falls back in ecstasy. He shakes out his body and lets out a howl of pleasure -- feels his arms, his chest, his groin as Pansy's blood courses through his veins.  
  
Pansy watches and waits. Finally Draco grins boyishly through bloody teeth and wipes his lips with the back of his hand. DRACO: Can we try that again? Pansy smiles in that strange statue-like way then throws back her head and opens her mouth with a deafening howl of laughter. The GROUND RUMBLES and her laughter multiplies as it REVERBERATES LOUDER and LOUDER.  
  
Draco grimaces and has to cover his ears it's so painful. He steps up and puts a finger to her lips. DRACO: Give me the world. Pansy's mouth spreads into a smile and she yanks him up into the air and off...  
  
... into the night. Harry wanders through the moonlit garden. Something looks different - there are forms -- statues in the shadows. Harry's eyes widen in terror as the statues come to life: Dumbledore, Hermione, Ron. DUMBLEDORE  
  
Why is this mortal here?  
  
HAGRID  
  
I was instructed to bring him. Voldermort moves out from a wall -- as if he were completely camouflaged. VOLDERMORT: By whom? Why have we been summoned here? Hermione is beside Harry, touching his hair... VOLDERMORT: We must kill Pansy. Voldermort looks around, determined, challenging each of the immortals. One at a time, they nod, understanding the sacrifice they will have to make. HERMIONE: And what of the brat prince?  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Draco has joined with Pansy as  
  
we speak. Voldermort lowers his head, knowing Dumbledore is right. VOLDERMORT: Yes...  
  
HARRY: What are you saying? They turn to Harry, as if they had forgotten he could speak. HARRY: You're going to kill him.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Draco is lost to us now. HERMIONE: Listen to him. These mixed marriages never work. Hermione chuckles until Dumbledore stops her with his coldest glare. RON: This is a stupid waste of time. Dumbledore turns on Ron and Hermione -- there's a deep RUMBLE. They back away. DUMBLEDORE: Show respect, little ones. (to Harry) Harry, if you wish to remain with  
  
me now, you must not speak. Harry bows his head. DUMBLEDORE: If Draco has joined with her, then there is no hope. Draco and Pansy stand on a cliff-top. WIND RIPS through the trees. The steps leading back to the house are lined with torches. Everywhere, there are torches, and a million candles light the vast house.  
  
Draco and Pansy glide past the forest of exotic flowers... past the fountains and statues -- up the steps to the open French doors. Long white curtains billow in the sea wind. DRACO: Where are we?  
  
PANSY: We are home.  
  
DRACO: You live here?  
  
PANSY: We live everywhere and anywhere we choose. The world is our garden. Draco steps in through billowing curtains, stops...  
  
There are three West Indian girls, young voluptuous, beautiful, dressed in simple working clothes and traditional head-wraps. They stare at Draco, nervous, yet fascinated. They move towards him.  
  
Draco finds himself surrounded by hands, touching him, reaching beneath his shirt, pulling his clothes from his body. Draco swoons, closes his eyes, smiles. DRACO: So warm... Sniffs their skin... DRACO: ... their blood...  
  
PANSY: ... yes...  
  
DRACO: ... they're mortal...  
  
PANSY: ... of course. They serve the living Goddess, and her consort... they find you beautiful, Draco. You are a God in their eyes. ... golden dark hands pull clothes away from Draco's white skin...  
  
... breasts strain through white linen as they press themselves closer to him...  
  
... the surface of water, scented with red rose petals. Draco's white skin breaks the surface.  
  
... Draco is lowered into the bath, his skin alive with the dancing candles reflected in the water...  
  
... the water laps gently -- strange sighs of pleasure as girls' hands caress Draco's torso...  
  
... their hands reach down lower and lower through the water... ... Draco's eyes remain closed but his mouth opens...  
  
Now it's Pansy kissing him. Draco responds, but his eyes sneak a peak...  
  
Pansy smiles -- takes his head in her hands -- she kisses him, pushes him back -- he tries to resist -- he can't, startled by her strength...  
  
Pansy kisses his neck... his chest... bites...  
  
Draco arches in ecstasy...  
  
Pansy rises up from his breast, blood on her lips, smiles, goes back down and drinks. Back at the garden where Harry is. The WINDOWS along one side of the hall EXPLODE with a startling GUST.  
  
The Ancient Ones look up to see...  
  
Pansy's silhouette looming, dark and foreboding. PANSY: My children... it warms my heart to see you all gathered, plotting against me. They trade glances and begin to fan out around the room. DUMBLEDORE: Pansy.  
  
PANSY: Dumbledore, you're looking very well. You will address my king first... Draco enters, his possessed eyes showing only evil.  
  
Unable to help himself... HARRY: Draco! He turns slowly to the corner where he sits.  
  
They lock eyes.  
  
Draco's face stares cold and hard. HARRY: What has she done to you? Taking his arm, Pansy draws Draco to her.  
  
The Ancient vampires subtly position themselves under the medieval weapons hanging on the walls, as Voldermort moves towards Draco. VOLDERMORT: Draco. Stand away. Voldermort looks for some recognition in Draco's eyes. There is none. The Ancient One's eyes warn all to wait for the right moment. RON: Pansy. The world has changed since you reigned.  
  
PANSY: Then we shall change it back.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: We've found other ways to co-exist.  
  
PANSY: Yes, In the shadows. In silence. In shame. All for what? For respect of mortals? They are nothing to us. They are only... food. She casts a dangerous eye towards Harry. Dumbledore instinctively moves forward to protect her. PANSY: Poor Dumbledore. Still trying to hold onto what I took from you. Dumbledore doesn't even flinch. VOLDERMORT: Pansy, please... There is so much more. Let us show you the world.  
  
PANSY: Oh, I've been listening for a long, long time. And all I can hear is ignorance and stupidity.  
  
VOLDERMORT: There's still a long way to go, but mortals have learned.  
  
PANSY: They have learned more efficient ways to slaughter. Nothing more. (venomous)  
  
You think you can change my will? I'm tired of this... discussion. Join me, or die.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: We will not. PANSY: I want to hear it from every one of you. What will it be? Pansy scans the faces of the Ancient Ones staring deep into their souls when...  
  
Voldermort steps forward -- the very face of bravery. VOLDERMORT: We will not. Ron speaks up as well. RON: No, Mother, we will not.  
  
ALL OLD ONES: We will not. Pansy is beyond fury, yet she keeps her temper under control and smiles to Draco. PANSY: What do you think, my king? Stealing himself he looks back to Pansy. DRACO: I'm bored with these old relics. Let's you and I leave here and take our pleasure without all this whining.  
  
PANSY: You need something to steel your nerves? Smiling, she bites her lip, letting a drop of blood glisten there, tempting Draco. PANSY: Do you love me? He draws closer.  
  
Harry stares in mortified jealousy. DRACO: Yes... Pansy and Draco's mouths almost meet when Pansy pulls away. PANSY: There is no such thing as love. Only proofs of love. Pansy slowly turns to Harry. PANSY: Kill him. Draco keeps his composure, ever careful. DRACO: He's nothing to me...  
  
PANSY: Just the same, I'd like you to kill her. For me. Dumbledore steps between Draco and Harry. DUMBLEDORE: You will not touch her! Pansy flicks her wrist...  
  
Dumbledore is hurled against a pillar, pinned by Pansy's hand. PANSY: You still think to challenge me, Dumbledore?  
  
DUMBLEDORE: I beg you, spare this child. Draco doesn't make a move one way or another. PANSY: Now. Dumbledore struggles but Pansy is too strong.  
  
Stepping forward. HARRY: It's all right, Dumbledore. Dumbledore stops, standing fixed with the sound of Harry's newly strong and calm voice.  
  
Harry looks to Draco and sees his face secretly searching for some way out, some way to save him. He looks straight into his dark irises, his gaze absolutely unwavering. HARRY: I'm not afraid. It's what I want. Draco now makes the connection. He begins to advance, seemingly with a killer gait, but we know better as...  
  
Harry keeps his gaze steady into Draco's. PANSY: (smirking) How sweet... Draco moves closer and closer to him as Harry watches him with absolute trust, absolute love, and it seems to us that Draco returns the love and trust, and though his face wears a dangerous mask, his look lets him know he understands. He reaches Harry.  
  
Dumbledore flies across the room, but Pansy meets him halfway. Grabs him by the hair. Dumbledore struggles but Pansy is much more powerful.  
  
Harry offers up his neck to his bite. Dumbledore looks away and Pansy looks pleased as Draco sinks his teeth into Harry's neck.  
  
Harry gasps with the bite, but then relaxes and even puts his arm around Draco as he draws him into him, draining him of his very life-force as he holds him.  
  
With that Dumbledore's great family mural begins to weep blood from every name.  
  
It's a murder to everyone's eyes, especially Dumbledore, who for the first time in centuries, looks like he just might shed a tear, then he sees...  
  
Pansy staring straight at him, waiting for him to break.  
  
Dumbledore steels himself and refuses to look away from Pansy's cruel gaze as...  
  
Draco brings Harry down to the hearth rug in front of the fire and lays him onto what is surely his deathbed.  
  
To our eyes, it's a lover's embrace.  
  
Draco drinks and drinks and Harry sighs with intimacy, clutching his neck and back, and drawing his bite deeper into his flesh. He slowly crumples to the floor, being drawn down until finally...  
  
Harry lies on the floor, eyes closed and pale... But before anything else can happen, Draco and Harry feel them selves drawn away from the scene before them. DRACO: Bloody Hell!! 


	7. An orange Jacket, A bum and a movie thea...

Very happy, Disneyesque MUSIC swirls in.  
  
PAN DOWN from a pretty blue sky, to a small quaint town nestled in the hills. A wooden sign tells us this is South Park. But so far, there is no sign of the boys.  
  
Birds fly into the air, TOWNSPEOPLE smile to each other as they walk by.  
  
It is a scene reminiscent of, if not directly ripped off from, the opening number of 'Beauty and the Beast'.  
  
A boy walks happily down the street. He is HARRY POTTER, a noble looking boy with piercing green eyes and a strong chin. As he walks, he sings a happy song.  
  
HARRY: I'm going to the movies To see the brighter side of life! I'm going to the movie Everything's gonna be alright! Forget all my troubles Put my own life on hold Let a studio tell me how I should view the world Where everything works out I love it that way I'm going to the movies The movies today!  
  
Harry merrily walks up to a crappy looking house.  
  
We are in a young boy's bedroom, just as his alarm clock goes off. BRRRRRTTT!!!  
  
RADIO ANNOUNCER : Good morning South Park! It's five-thirty a.m. on Sunday!! Time to feed the horses and water the cows!!  
  
From the back, we see the blond haired kid sit up from his bed. He stretches, and then walks over to his closet.  
  
We still only see the boy from the back as he reaches in his closet and pulls out an orange coat.  
  
The kid puts his coat on, then turns to camera and pulls the hood shut, so that we never get a good look at his face.  
  
MOTHER'S VOICE: DRACO! YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR CHURCH!!!  
  
This boy's name is DRACO, and under his orange coat, we have no idea what he looks like, except for his European nose and gray eyes. DRACO: Mph rmph rm! Draco walks through his small, dirty house and into the kitchen, where his MOTHER, FATHER and OLDER BROTHER are sitting at the humble table.  
  
DRACO'S MOTHER: Sit down, you can share some of your brother's waffle.  
  
The doorbell rings. Draco walks over to the door.  
  
Kenny opens the door to find Harry.  
  
HARRY: Draco! The Fred and George movie is out! You wanna come?!  
  
Harry shows Draco a newspaper clipping. It's an ad for the new Fred and George movie 'Asses of fire'. Draco's eyes light up.  
  
DRACO: Mph rmph rm, rmph!  
  
Draco walks away with Harry. His mother comes out after him.  
  
DRACO'S MOTHER: Draco! Where're you going?  
  
DRACO: Mph mprh mprh rm!  
  
DRACO'S MOTHER: What do you mean you don't want to go to church?  
  
DRACO: Mrmph, rmph rmph rm rmph.  
  
Draco and Harry walk down the street.  
  
KENNY'S MOTHER: Well fine, go ahead and miss church!! And then when you die and go to hell you can ANSWER TO SATAN!!  
  
Dramatic MUSIC STING. Draco stops, thinks for a minute... And then walks off with Harry anyway.  
  
Harry and Draco now both happily march down the street to the happy beat.  
  
ALBUS, a plastic surgeon, peeps his head out the door of his Rhinoplasty office.  
  
ALBUS: Say, where are you boys going?  
  
HARRY: We're going to the movies! To see the brighter side of life! Where everyone is beautiful And have their hair combed just right!  
  
DRACO: Mph rmph rm rmph rm! Mph rm rmph rm! Mprh rm rmph rm rm Rmph rm rmph rm rmph!  
  
ALBUS: Have fun you rascals!  
  
Draco and Harry walk up to the next house and knock at the door.  
  
A handsome Semite, RON, answers the door.  
  
RON: Hey, dudes... Aren't you supposed to go to church, Draco?  
  
HARRY: Ron, check it out.  
  
Draco holds up the newspaper clipping.  
  
RON: OH MY GOD, DUDE!!!  
  
Ron slips on his coat and heads out the door. But just then, Ron's little sister, GINNY, a two year old adopted Canadian bounces up next to him.  
  
RON: No, Ginny! You can't come with me!  
  
Ron's MOTHER, a big fat bitch, comes to the door and yells.  
  
RON'S MOTHER: Ron, you take your little brother out to play with you!  
  
RON: Aw, ma!!  
  
RON'S MOTHER: Do as I say, Ron!  
  
Ron's mother closes the door.  
  
RON: Damn it!!  
  
Now the three boys, and little Ginny, merrily strut down the street and sing in unison.  
  
BOYS: We're going to the movies To see the better side of life Where something interesting happens Every day and night!  
  
RON: In movies we can pretend That love is real and good always wins-  
  
HARRY: We can even make believe marriages last!  
  
A HOMELESS guy is lying in the alley.  
  
HOMELESS GUY: Spare a dollar? Spare a dollar?  
  
Harry walks by and throws a dollar at him. The homeless guy suddenly jumps up.  
  
HOMELESS GUY: I'm going to the movies! To see the brighter side of life! I'm going to the movies Everything's gonna be alright! Forget my troubles Put my own life on hold Let a studio tell me how to view the world!  
  
RON: Let's go get fat ass!  
  
ANOTHER HOUSE This house looks just like all the others.  
  
Fat little NEVILLE is sitting on his couch, eating Cheesy Poofs and watching television.  
  
The doorbell rings. NEVILLE doesn't move a muscle.  
  
NEVILLE: MOM! SOMEBODY'S AT THE DOOR!  
  
EVILLE'S MOTHER enters. She is extremely June Cleaveresque (except that she's a hermaphrodite crack whore). She returns with Harry, Ron and Draco.  
  
NEVILLE'S MOTHER: Look, Neville it's your little friends.  
  
NEVILLE: What the hell are you guys doing here?  
  
GINNY: Baba turtre bad!  
  
Ron holds up the newspaper ad.  
  
NEVILLE: Ooh!  
  
Now all four boys are merrily walking down the street and singing.  
  
BOYS: We're going to the movies To see the better side of life! NEVILLE: Maybe there'll be pirates! Or a whole city burnin'! Maybe we'll see a monster Or, better yet, Uma Thurman!  
  
BOYS: We're going to the movies! Everything's gonna be okay!  
  
The boys skip out of frame.  
  
The movie theatre is nestled neatly between two other South Park buildings.  
  
The boys walk up to the geeky, teenage TICKET GUY.  
  
BOYS: Going to the movies! The movies today!!!!!  
  
HARRY: Can I get five tickets to Fred and George Asses of Fire, please?  
  
TICKET GUY: No.  
  
Suddenly, all the happy music that has permeated the film comes to an ABRUPT HALT.  
  
The boys look confused.  
  
RON: What'dya mean, no?  
  
TICKET GUY: Fred and George Asses of Fire is rated 'R'. You kids can't get in.  
  
The boys look shocked. They just stand there, in silence.  
  
NEVILLE: The hell we can't! My money is just as good as any white person's!  
  
TICKET GUY: You have to be accompanied by a parent or guardian.  
  
RON: But why?  
  
TICKET GUY: Because this movie has naughty language, and it might make you kids start using bad words.  
  
NEVILLE: Listen you son of a bitch, if you don't let us in to see this movie I'm gonna kick you square in the nuts.  
  
TICKET GUY: Sorry, Charlie.  
  
RON: Damn it!  
  
TICKET GUY: Next, please?  
  
A few TEENAGERS walk up to get their tickets. The boys step aside.  
  
HARRY: This is terrible! This can't be happening!!  
  
RON: We HAVE to see this movie, dude!  
  
NEVILLE: Aw, screw it. It probably isn't all that good anyway.  
  
RON: Neville! What the hell are you talking about?! You LOVE Fred and George!  
  
NEVILLE: Yeah, but the animation's all crappy - it Probably can't sustain itself over ninety minutes.  
  
GINNY: Poo baba!  
  
HARRY: Wait! I've got an idea!  
  
The old Homeless guy from the intro song walks up to the Ticket Guy with the boys.  
  
HOMELESS GUY: Uh, hi. I want five tickets to Fred and George Asses of Fire.  
  
TICKET GUY: You realize this movie is rated R? It may not be appropriate for your little ones.  
  
HOMELESS GUY: Oh. (Turning to boys) Hey, he says this movie isn't appropriate for you.  
  
STAN: (Whispering) Look, homeless guy, if you don't want to buy us tickets, and NOT get your ten bucks and NOT go buy yourself a bottle of Vodka and not forget about how miserable your life is and not stop the voices in your head then go right ahead.  
  
HOMELESS GUY: Five tickets please.  
  
The Ticket guy suspiciously hands them over.  
  
The boys are all sitting in the front row. Neville has a huge tub of popcorn, all kinds of candy, and a large drink.  
  
GINNY: Purpre mama!  
  
RON: Be quiet, Ginny! The movie's starting!  
  
A TITLE reads 'Fred and George - Asses of Fire'  
  
BOYS: HOORAY!!!  
  
On the screen, we come across PHILLIP, a very handsome Canadian star with a great body.  
  
GEORGE: Say Fred, what did the Spanish Priest say to the Uranian gynecologist?  
  
PAN OVER to FRED who is also Canadian, and equally handsome in a more rugged way.  
  
FRED: I don't know, George, what?  
  
George rips a big fart. Fred and George laugh merrily.  
  
The boys are laughing their asses off.  
  
RON: That was sweet!  
  
HARRY: Where do they come up with this stuff?!  
  
NEVILLE: How come Terrance and Phillip are so weird looking?  
  
RON: Cuz, dummy they're Canadian, just like Ginny!  
  
NEVILLE: Oh.  
  
GINNY: Poo bada!  
  
FRED: You're such a pigfucker, George!  
  
GEORGE: What?! Why would you call me a pigfucker?!  
  
FRED: Well, let's see... First of all, you fuck pigs.  
  
PHILLIP: Oh yeah!  
  
Fred and George laugh merrily.  
  
RON: Woa, dude! Did they say what I think they said?  
  
Fred pulls out a white envelope.  
  
FRED: Well, fuck my ass and call me a bitch, I just got a letter!  
  
GEORGE: A letter from who, you shit sucking cock master? The boys' wide eyed faces as the dialogue from the film enters their innocent ears.  
  
FRED: It's from your mother.  
  
GEORGE: My mother sent YOU a letter? What's it say?  
  
FRED: It says 'Dear Fred, please don't ever tell my son that I licked your hairy balls.'  
  
Fred and George laugh merrily.  
  
GEORGE: Oh, you fucking ball whore!  
  
The boys don't laugh, they just smile widely, they seem busy taking it all in.  
  
NEVILLE: Wow... Ball whore...  
  
FRED: Listen, you donkey raping shit eater-  
  
RON: (To himself) Donkey raping shit eater.  
  
GINNY: Doky maping she deeder!!!  
  
FRED: You'd fuck your uncle!  
  
GEORGE: YOU'D fuck your uncle!  
  
FRED: (Singing) Shut your fucking face, Unclefucka!! You're an asslicking, Ball sucking Unclefucka!! You're an Unclefucka, yes it's true Nobody fucks Uncles quite like you-  
  
GEORGE: SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE!! UNCLEFUCKA!!! YOU'RE the one that fucked your Uncle, UNCLEFUCKA!!! You don't eat, or sleep or mow the lawn You just fuck your Uncle all day long!  
  
FRED&GEORGE: Shut your fucking face, Unclefucka! You butt licking bastard Unclefucka!  
  
The song ends and the boys erupt into applause.  
  
The boys walk out of the theatre with glazed eyes and wide smiles.  
  
RON: Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!  
  
NEVILLE: You bet your fucking ass it was!  
  
HARRY: Fuck, dude, I wanna be just like Fred and George!  
  
TICKET GUY: Hey wait a minute... Where's your guardian?  
  
HARRY: Huh?  
  
TICKET GUY: I knew it! You PAID a homeless guy to get you in, didn't you!  
  
The boys think a second.  
  
NEVILLE: Suck my balls.  
  
RON: Yeah, (Singing) Shut your fucking face, Unclefucka!!  
  
The boys walk away, merrily. The ticket guy is in shock.  
  
All of a sudden there is a bright flash and Harry and Draco are flung into.  
  
HARRY & DRACO: Fuck you Void..... 


End file.
